this is the story of my work life

so. i just pulled up a blank page here,
cuz i was going to talk about how much i loved my job
i just met with a client and was reminded how passionate i am about helping others
and how rewarding this field is
so i was going to write a little about it.

then my office phone rang
it was my supervisor
who was asking me why i didnt do something
i told him that i was never told that i had to do that thing
and he said well that doesnt matter it should have been getting done for the past 6 months
i told him that i couldnt do it if no one notified me that i should be doing it
and then he proceeded to ask me who trained me
i didnt tell him who
but in my mind was screaming that no one ever gets proper training around here
and if he was doing his job, he would have caught this 9 months ago when i first started on this particular project
but instead, i smiled and said kindly that i would do it from here on out and go back and do as much as i can for the past 6 months that never got done

so. bottom line here:
1) i love working with clients
2) i am not such a fan of working with some coworkers

happy hour tonight with coworkers (ones i get along well with) is much needed. i dont care if a beer is 3 weight watchers points. im having a few. both in celebration, and frustration. bittersweet.

uh oh, better grab my camera phone

so there it is

i walk into my coworkers office

and notice the spill on her desk

i say "uh oh! that's no fun!"

then i look closer

and point out that the brand of white out is called 'oops'

"how ironic", i say "i need to get a picture of that!"

my coworker laura says "yeah, sure, take a picture... after, would you be willing to clean it up for me?"

I said "sure, no problem" and then went into my own office and got my phone to take a pic. (the pic above)

i come back and start questioning: "how long has it been spilled? it looks like its been there a while."

"yeah, it has... a long time, thanks for cleaning it up"

so i start pulling kleenexes out of the box then decide i want wet wipes instead so i try pulling those out but cant maneuver the canister correctly so then i go back to kleenex.

then...

with kleenex in hand, i pick up the bottle, and.....

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... the whole spill comes with it!

"huh?! what the fuck?!"

then i get it;

jokes on me!

laura and i burst out in raging laughter.

how she kept a straight face this whole time is beyond me.

she got me.

wow. she totally got me.

great times in the office!

the girl who has my heart

she says, i thought of you alot today

then hands me a folded white sheet of paper

a silver leaf falls from the creases into my palm

its beautiful

stunning

ive never seen anything quite like it

where did you find this

flagstaff, she says, i have a couple of them for special occasions

i continue unfolding

and open the paper to see a lovely hand drawn flower

awwwww, baby, i didnt know you were so girly.... *wink*

she says, thats all i know how to draw

then i see the poem at the botttem of the page

and im speechless

speechless

honey, i love when you write

i love when you share

this is your heart

beating with mine

and as i read those words, my heart melted

i wanted to speak

i wanted to cry

i wanted to smile

i wanted to touch

i wanted to breathe you in

but i just read it over and over again in silence

because speaking and crying and touching and breathing didnt seem enough

enough for what?

i dont even know

but it wasnt enough

thank you

you are breathtaking

________________________________

has it really been 3 months already?

wow

3 months

it seems like both a long time, and a very short time

3 months

hmmm

i like that

this weekend is quite the eventful time

i bought tickets to the broncos - chargers game for the two of us

shes taking me out to a nice dinner

we are going to see some theatre/slam poetry

and i think we may also go so the new sandra bullock movie

so thats how we celebrate

happy 3 months, baby!

ive loved this journey

and am excited to continuing growing with you

maybe someday soon, ill let her out

sometimes,
i think theres a slam poet inside of me
waiting to be released
but it doesnt convert well here
without vocals
in a world with just words
without tone

but i feel her
she is coming alive
she wont be contained much longer

and im finding less and less reasons to keep her held inside

ok, so i sound a bit selfish here

im not sure why a stupid star award matters so much to me anyway

one employee a month from my agency, is awarded the star award.
its similar to employee of the month
and the added bonus is the recipient receives a target gift card
and the winner is nominated by other staff members

so heres where im tripping and throwing a bit of a "lifes not fair!" tantrum
people like me here
they comment non stop about how kind and caring and genuine i am
how well i teach class and work with clients
sure, i make mistakes, we all do, and ive been called out a time or two by a supervisor due to something i did wrong.
but generally im an all star staff member

just yesterday, a coworker comes up to me and says
"Tanya, i thought of you this weekend and you wear the cutest hair clips so i got you these ones!" and she handed me some huge hair pins.
She was so excited about it. As was I. I felt so great that she thought me over the weekend. Maybe its because i was the only staff who consoled her when her dog died a week ago. Maybe its because when she joined our staff a few months ago, i went out of my way to make her feel comfy here and learn the ropes. Maybe its cuz i compliment her on her jewelry. (ok, and if youre thinking im hitting on this woman, you would be way wrong. shes a cute little hispanic lady with a gay daughter... so i see her sort of like a mother figure. thats where my liking toward her comes from... just fyi) so anyway... maybe she got me the bobbly butterfly clips for any one of those reasons, or some others i didnt list and dont even know of. either way, the fact that she brought them in and gave them to me, made my day.

see. people like me. another coworker gave me a pair of smart wool socks once cuz she wanted to return kindess i gave her.

ok and it irks me when a fellow coworker has gotten it twice and i cant seem to figure out why, because i think she is an insensitive, naive, rude, selfish person. and those are things that should not be rewarded in the social work field. just my opinion... just sayin... grrrr.

so anyway. why the hell have i not gotten the star award once since working here?! ive gotten nominated a few times, but no award. dumb dumb dumb.

ok.... that is all. that is my venting for the day...

now... its time to act a little more grown up. so here i go.

red and brown with a little bit of shine

its a little rusty
put a little elbow grease into it
shine it up
i see it coming through
the glow
the brilliance
the glisten
but remember not to scrub too hard
dont take all the character out of it
its better with imperfections
its more beautiful with a few flaws
so be sure to keep some of that dirt
some of the grime

id rather have 'rusty' than 'as good as new'
because you are my favorite color

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